Back to School

So school has started, yet again.
I am beginning my 5th year here, im a Super Senior!
I am really excited about this year, going into it with a new found dedication to my major, classes, and career choices. Trying to keep my anxiety level about exit exams at a low level, because i think its a mind over matter type of deal with those exams, positive thinking yields positive results!
I moved into my apartment, or house *double* rather, and its lovely. My room is probably 3X the size it was last year as well as the rest of the space. ive been spending a bit too much money on decorations....I purchases curtains and rods to put up, which i definitely jerry rigged because i dont have an electric screw driver or any sort of clue how to put up curtains...i tried to hammer in the screws which didnt work and then hammered in the plastic pieces without the screws and my curtains and rod fell off in the middle of the night, probably wacked me in the head midsleep....but i had no idea till the morning of such events until i saw my curtains on the floor and the rod in 2 pieces...i taped it to the wall so well see how it goes tonight....
My dad is coming up to bring me his old desk for my computer...im currently sitting on the floor typing, very japanese like i must say. the internet works, cable works...everything is coming together with ease that i am not used to during moving experiences....its actually been quite painless despite the garbage episode today where they didnt take our garbage because we didnt register it or because our can is too big...we arent sure but one roommate is taking care of that and i have faith in her!
ill still to cable and internet bill, what i know ....haha
classes so far seem good.....gero is really interesting even though i have done it all before in my undergrad....and mental meeting today was actually interesting. A woman with borderline personalities came in and talked with us about her experiences in the mental hospital and her life story. It was really sad and disturbing but she is doing so well now, just graduating frm college and living on her own....i cant imagine! She had dealth with so much, narcassistic parents, sexual abusive brother, alcohal addiction, abuse in the hospitals,....and so much more you just wouldnt believe...it was shocking. I give her so much credit, she is such a strong woman so be able to talk about it and be dealing with it on a daily basis. I have a feeling I will be encountering many people like her in mental health at St. V's during clinicals. I will get the opportunity to work with some addicts and withdrawal patients which I am highly interested in,
for community health, I am at the Fulton Co. Health Dept. which is cool although 45 minutes away! I get to work at the fair at their booth next week doing face painting....who would have ever though nursing could involve face painting....yikes,
I had the opportunity to have dinner with Laura today. We bonded over school, boys, life and of course couldnt help but talk about NICARAGUA NICARAGUA NICARAGUA!
i just cant get the trip off my mind and the hunger to tlak about it, look at pictures, dream abotu it still resides within me. I am so anxious to go back or to even just see someone from the trip to talk about it. We both agreed that we would want to go back but bring all the people we went with back with us! It would be strange to go back without the same group!!! We joked about having a sort of arogance about returning with newbies "oh you dont know what that is?? thats a plantain chip, DUH" haha...of course we would never do that its just funny to think of the new experiences we had that are now accustomed to us if ever returning...however im sure we arent even close to experiencing all that great country has to offer.
Laura is going to meet with one of her deans to see if she can do a PA rotation in NIcaragua for 4 weeks.....how awesome. I desperately wish i could go to longer than just 9 days! im sure someday I will....there or some other place! my life is a such a long journey ahead of me filled with so many adventures I cant even dream up yet!
But it was so nice to see her, and to continue building new relationships with people similar to me!
I have a good feeling about this year!!! (but i do still miss my mommy and being home of course =) ))))

The rest of the trip

I didnt write in my journal for the rest of time I was there. I just got too caught up in actually being there. And, truth be told, was too exaughsted to write. On friday we had our last clinic which was out in the middle of no where. We took one of the trucks ...with an open bed, and 2 benches not bolted to the bed...we all sat there with nothing but metal bars to hold us in...It really was a very bumpy ride and everyone would stand on the benches or the bed of the truck and duck whenever a tree branch was about to hit them. I sat for most of it, I was a little afraid of falling out since I am not very graceful. But i did stand for a little bit towards to end. I felt like I was in the jungle on a safari.

We got to the clinic and i was with Adults again, partnered with Seth. Our translator was a kid whose name ive unfortunately forgotten because all of the macho guys were calling him scoops because they wanted him to start doing scoops of protein like them. He was a nice kid, only 17 . He told me he has a girlfriend in South Carolina...she came with a high school trip and they 'fell in love' talk about long distance relationships. We saw a lot of kids too surprisingly. One little girl had a severely infected ingrown toenail. We also saw a case of trick, and a woman who reported a crazy sexual history I wont even repeat. This place was crawling with dogs begging for food, it was sad but they were kind of annoying because they would come right up to you unlike the other dogs weve experienced throughout the week. Anna made me try to speak spanish to the patients to tell them how to take there medications which i felt so stupid trying to do...una pastilla! one pill! I spent sometime with Mario in the pharmacy again because he was probably my favorite translator....maybe because he always tells me to smile because he loves my smile, how flattering.

We ended up getting out clinic early because we had so many of us running our own tables, amazing how we are now confident enough to do that. We had to say goodbye to the translators, which was so sad. I never could thank them enough for all their work.

When we got back I was so tired i collapsed into bed and intended on only taking a one hour nap, but it quickly stretched to 2. I was in such a daze when I woke up, i tripped leaving the room forgetting a step and twisted my ankle! I limped the rest of the night, in pain. I put ice on it.

I did some laundry and emailed my mom. Will ordered us pizza, which wasnt as saucy as it is here and they give you packets of ketchup to add sauce if you want too,...knowing that i do not care for the ketchup I opted out and ate it as it was, which was good. We then gathered in the meeting area and watching a pirated copy of "the dark knight" and actually had working speakers this time. After the movie we played cards and then went to bed.

In the morning we were leaving to Managua. We got up, ate one last breakfast with the staff of al ayudante, said our goodbyes and loaded up the bus . We drove for about an hour and a half and go to the volcano sight. We stopped once at a gas station to get some drinks, Laura and I took a picture with a security guard that was manning the door with a HUGE gun, which we thought was halarious. When we got to the volcano we had to pay 2 bucks each but it was worth it. It was so beautiful, we climbed up top and stared down into the volcano which was filled with a gassy haze. After being up there for to long we started coughing and I could feel the gas burning my throat so I took that as a sign that it was time to go, as it was. We all loaded back onto the bus, and continued our drive to the matagalpa market. I bought a few souvneiers for family and myself. beautiful pottery, and 2 t-shirts as well as some pirated dvds of course. Laura was sick so we ran to a la pharmacia and got her some cold medicine which was a challenge telling the man what we wanted with limited spanish....she sniffled and coughed and ended up with some sort of medicine which ended up working thankfully.

(the volcano scenery, we hiked up the the cross)

We left and headed to the hotel near the airport where we were staying for the night. We had lunch there as we were starving from not eating since breafast, we went to the pool for a second decided we needed naps, so we went back to our rooms. after an hour nap, or rest really because my bed was as hard as a rock and the pillow felt like one cotton ball behind my head, we got up and got ready for our banquet dinner. We all got dressed up and looked pretty....and for once we had air conditioning which was such a blessing, my hair finally wasnt curling like it does in heat.

We had some a nice meal and all went around saying something about the trip and how it has affected us. I said it was so nice to finally meet a group of people that have the same philosophy that i do, that its one thing to sit around and acknowledge the problems in the world, but that i want to be someone who actually does something about it. Dr. kern and anna did a suprelative game and gave me the award for "most likely to cheer you up with a smile" they said i always had such a positive attitude and a smile on my face no matter what. I was so flattered !!!! Will went around and said something about everyone, he said that i was the sweetest girl ever. I thought that was nice. I never really though I was being anything more than myself and for someone who didnt spend much time with me to think I am sweet, is such a nice thing to be said. I honestly dont think i stood out more than anyone else on that trip, everyone is so wonderful.

After that, we went to the casino at the hotel, tried to gamble but there werent very many machines so we stood around and enjoyed the free drinks. People were hogging a few machines at a time and one man was running the roulette table by himself and wouldnt let anyone else play. So instead, we left the casino and went and met as a smaller group by the pool to talk and bond on our last night. We all went to bed around 2 am and got up at 4 am to leave for the airport. Our plain left at 6 but was delayed until 7. I slept most of the flight to miami, arriving at 12:30 there and then we had a 7 hour layover . Because of the hurricaine coming in the weather was a bit hazy and rainy , so a few of us stayed at the airport and others left to go to South Beach. I stayed and read in the airport. It went by so fast , and before I knew it I was getting my bags in detroit and headed home to cleveland.

I cant believe how wonderful the trip turned out. I honestly believe i have made friends for life as i already have made plans with so many of them. I feel compelled to start of this year with a new dedication to nursing and medicine. I really want to get every piece of knowledge I can, do kick ass on my boards, return to nicaragua after learning more spanish, and possible go to medical school in the future.

Honestly since returning i havent done anything but think abotu the trip and stare at pictures . I cant express the feelings i have within me now. I definitely am sort of in a culture shock...even just going to the store yesterday and how different it is. Its truly amazing. I could never express to anyone how blessed we are. If anyone ever has to the chance to visit Nicaragua, I would say do it. Its definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity that forever changes you as a person.

(the whole group at the volcano)

8/14

this mornings clinical was optional, but we all ended up going. Will said he made it optional because he didnt want to wear us out, as we are all getting tired now that the week is coming to a close. However, we all know the reasons why we are here. and we are all dedicated to that. I was paired with Eric, who they call chico. and also victoria. Our translator was Elmer, the sweetest man in the world I am convinced. He was the one who told us the story about Samosa and about the massacre when in Leon. I got to know him much better today as we talked between patients. He was trying to squeeze in his own little doctor visist between patients, telling us he is so tired after a full nights sleep and didnt know why....i joked with him and told him maybe he should try caffeine....haha. Mostly we saw UTI's again...it seems like thats the main complaint. The saddest thing is that you ask the people "sangre de orino?" blood in urine? and they say no but then they tell you that their pee is red....which is blood...they dont make the connection. Today has definitely been the hottest day, especially since we were indoors and without electricity so we had no fan...we brought the generator later and then had a fan so that made it a bit better...but we were still hott. We were in an OB clinic that had insane amounts of breastfeeding posters all over the place...some were kind of creepy looking andwe laughed at them but i guess they dont really understand the importance there.

I had the opportunity today to work with the OBGYN and do 4 pap smears on my own. It was a challenge because the OBGYN could not speak english so she had to show me with her hands how to do a pap smear...one hand she clenched to imitate a cervix and the other with the instruments showed me what to do....i had to choke back giggles from my immature sense of humor at that...and be professional. But i did place the thingy in the vaginas and saw the cervix. i never thought id ever get that close to another woman's vagina before....not even when i did my OB rotation did I get that close. It was obvious to me which woman had STD or maybe even cervical cancer as her cervix was extremely large and swollen. They dont use lube on the separater instrument...which i know now, every woman reading this is cringing in pain. There were flies all around and about to fly into the vagina's, I had to swat them away...that was just so disgusting i cant even imagine being those woman.

We also had the chance to go to the landfill today. The dump rather. Where people drop off trash. Tons of people actually live on this hill around the landfill and look for food here everyday. There was a local church group brining a sermon and food to these people and we got in on it and brought hott meals to them as well. At first we would only let children come get meals and then it was a number system in order of arrival and if anything was left we went to those who didnt get a number.....we still ran out and had to turn people away. The biggest thing that got me wasnt the children, but the pregnant woman who I am sure have the worst of prenatal care, no nutrition, and are bringing babies into a world that they definitely dont deserve. Heather told me that many of them dont realize that sex and babies go together...they cant make the coorelation, they dont have preventative education, or any education for that matter.

(the dump)(me and the group handing out juice)

I handed out juice while Laura waved a stick to keep flies away, which really didnt matter becasue they just kept landing all over us and the food....the kids and people had them crawling all over them and the food as they ate and just didnt care. I was sobbing behind my glasses while watching this scene. I just cant believe the living conditions. I cant even imagine that being my life.

(people, children, and dogs that live at the landfill)

Up on the top of the hill was an old prison that kept POW's. We climbed up on top of it and could see an amazing view of the city. It was beautiful when you kept your back to the garbage.

The bus ride back was quite, after we left. It took awhile to get all the flies out of the bus, but i fell asleep as we drove to the beach. After an hour drive we arrived to find the beach and rain of course. But that didnt stop us from jumping into the vast ocean. I can now saw i have been in the pacific and the atlantic ocean. The water was sooooo warm and it felt so good. We had to be careful of smaller sharks that are known for killing people there, but we didnt see anything. There was one dead stingray that Jose told me was the kind that killed steve irwan. But ive never been one to be afraid of the water, I am a pisces afterall! We played footbal, guys against girls and later 2 guys got sick of us being so good adn switched over to our team...that lasted a while but the waves were so ferrocious we got so exaughsted so we got out and went to walk the beaches and rocks...there were so many beautiful and coloful shells. so many pink ones, clear ones, and even sanddollars! The sunset was stunning over the ocean. We ate dinner at El Espigome . I ordered chicken fajitas but ended up with chicken fingers which i guess is a fajita to them. They gave me FRENCH FRIES which is my favorite food in the whole world,....the ketchup was unsatifactory though, being so sweet. A anorexic dog kept bothering us all through dinner so we kept giving him our scraps...he was so skinny after all. and actually kind of cute unlike most of the dogs ive seen here.

(the football group in the ocean)

Laura, Heather, and I spent a lot of time together today and are making plans to reunite in Cali which is where Heather has gotten a job and moving to as soon as we get back.

I already can tell i have been changed by this experience. Especially after today, I am so lucky in my life and really take it for granted. I honestly cant even express how grateful I am, I always thought I was but now I know. My life is definitely so blessed

8/13

I was in the pediatric section today. I was paired with Laura and we got moved to Adult because of a lack of pediatric patients and an excessive amount of adults. Most of the patients we saw had cases of GERD. We saw one young girl with cystic fibrosis and her mother who was her primary caregiver. The mother was upset and near tears , she said she has no emotional support and suffers from depression. I felt really bad her because she deals with so much and lacks the resources for support. Anna the psychiatrist with us talked with her and told her she needs to set aside some time every day for herself. She said she needs to work on sleeping, the woman says she sleeps with her daughter each night because the daughter is in so much pain, she has to rub her muscles because they cramp. We gave her pain medication to help with the muscle cramps so hopefully that inturn helps the mother.

We saw several UTI's, prescribed excessive amounts of bactim and amoxicillin. We also saw a 25 year old woman with severe thrombosis and varicose veins that caused a decubidus ulcer on her foot. There was nothing we could do for it except tell her to apply lotion and keep moisturized. We saw a very attractive younger man that was hitting on laura and I , he happened to have kidney stones. (Laura and I with the boy who loved us)

We saw a case of ringworm, and of course scabies. One unique case was an 8 year old who had transposition of the greater vessels. His artery and veins of the heart were misplaced so he would get unoxygenated blood in the oxygenated spaces and vice versa, he basically should not have been alive and had severe hypoxia, he was cyanotic (blue lips), and clubbed hands and feet from lack of oxygen. Sarah is going to get him in contact with a surgeon in the U.S. but honestly it wouldnt do much good because his body is so used to being run like that it would be in shock if reversed like it normally is in newborns. It was a miracle to see him alive , and his father just cried at that. We saw a lot of mental illnesses today...a group/mental home brought them in for care. one boy we saw was once shot in the head during the revolution while playing in the fields with friends and this rendered him brain damaged, that was so sad to see him be could barely walk...and they say war is worth it.

The clinic was so so so hott. We were sweating like crazy. It felt so good to shower when i got back

Many people have been saying that I am beautiful which always is so surprising. All of these girls seem beautiful to me.

We went out to dinner at el convente which was once a convent and now a restaurant / hotel. We ate steak and had such a good time gabbing with Denease the Nurse with us, who also teaches some of our courses we will have next year. I hope to have her as a clinical instructor...she eased my mind about boards and other things. She is so smart and down to earth, I really look up to her. She told us she wants to get a group of nurses together with her masters students to go on a trip for spring break back to Nicaragua. I hope I can be a part of that. I wish i could bring all the same group with me though!

(all the nurses with Denease)
(my "sisters" on the trip, Heather and Laura)

I got to know a med student, Jose, today. He was born in Nicaragua and moved to the US when he was 7. Its so interested to hear what he remembers. He was actually able to see some of his family and grandparents for the first time since he lived here. i thought that was very special. He is compassionate to the patients and a lot of fun. A bit of a flirt with all the girls. I definitely would like to get to know him more!

I cant believe how much time has gone by. I hope we all stay in touch because i cant imagine my life without these people now.

8/12

Today I was in triage at the village next to El Ayudante. It's actually Dr. Medina's clinic.

We walked through the actual village to get there and it was very poor in terms of money but very rich in spirit. Music and children filled the streets. The kids were yelling out "gringo, gringo" at us and "cheena, cheena" to Courtney who is Korean. They probably rarely see Asians.

It was a challenge doing Triage. We saw over 300 patients but I absoultely loved the business. It felt so good to do some nursing things. It is definitely something that challenges me, not easy to do but still within reach of perfection. It is rewarding.

( showing off my blood pressure skills)

An older woman grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight and said "gracias" . She was 87 years old and had 10 children . She was brought in by her little grandson who was maybe 7 or 8. He seemed to be looking after her. When I was about to do the blood pressure, the little boy would kindly bring her arm to me and she would just smile down at him. He never would leave her side. He kept one hand on her shoulder the entire time. He would move things and people out of the way for her, and help her getting up and down stairs or chairs. She was having trouble standing in the line to see the doctor so I brought over a plastic chair which the little boy helped me carry. She really appreciate this small act. It seemed to mean so much to her.

The nicaraguenese people are so loving and kind. they are so grateful to us for such small things. I dont even feel like I deserve it. It is a selfless act. They deserve this care. We are require to provide for the poor, that is why we are so blessed.

One woman prayed with Heather, which I thought was so sweet. The Lord is ever present here. For lunch we had fried goat cheese, which was interesting. I didnt really care for it so i filled up on the fresh fruit and other selections.

One child came in with iron deficiency anemia. When asked how many times a day she ate, she replied once. Her mother scolded her and said "arent you embarresed to tell people that? You should lie and say at least 3". that really shocked me.

I touched so many patients with scabies today. Im a little worried about getting it but I know it was worth it. Three babies came in with respiratory distress. Dr. Kern , Sarah the pediatrician, said that 2 of them were going to die because they were hydrocephalic and could hardly keep awake or breathe. She told them to go to the hospital but we all know how unpromising that care will be. We didnt seem to pick up on these kids in triage which is what we are supposed to do. We think maybe the kids were bundled up so we could see the chest effort in breathing....or maybe Brent triaged them because I didnt see anyone hydrocephalic, but I am learning .

Two little girls played with Heather and I. We let them listen to their hearts with our stethescopes and play with our blood pressure cuffs, They were so cute, they would dance around the tables and come up and hug us in the middle of triage. They adored us.

(heather letting the girls listen to each others hearts)

All of the translators are so kind. Louis was with me today and he said "dont you get frusterated that they cant understand you" to which i replied "no, i am not frusterated with myself that I dont understand them and i dont understand how they can not be angry with me for not knowing spanish as I am in their country"

Although, even english is starting to sound like spanish to me....its all starting to blend.

We got out of clinic really late because of how many patients we had. Pharmacy got extremely backed out so when we were done with triage I went and helped with the pills. We made it to dinner at the cafe in Leon (without showering, so we all felt so gross) from the first day there and had an authentic meal with plantain chips and shiskabob looking thing, my table got glasses of wine and ice cream sundaes. I really missed chocolate and it was so delicious and extra sweet. It was definitely fun to bond over dinner with the group.

(my authentic meal)

I cant believe its wednesday, things are going by so fast, i wish it would all just slow down a bit .

8/11

Monday has come and gone, hard to believe

pliatano/plantanes and an authentic dish which resembled some sort of beef rice veggie stirfry , very tasty, was for lunch with FRESH FRUIT! which seems to be available at every meal. The white pinneapple is my favorite. haha. ive been trying to open up and allow myself to eat things I normally would turn my nose at. Which is so unlike me but I figure , you have to respect a culture for who and what it is. and every part of that. That is part of what this experience is all about.

Today we went to the school Miromar and set up our clinic. It was an hour drive , minus the random stop because they thought the bus was leaking gas. We drove pretty close to the volcanoes so it was a beautiful scenery. The 2 were named big brother volcano and little brother volcano but i forget the spanish translation .

I worked at the pharmacy with mario (the translator), valerie, and brent. It was a challenge searching for the meds in the wrong bags and dealing out the exact correct number of pills and such. mario was the pharmacist and translator. a lot of the scripts he would change to what he would do which got us in trouble with will because he wanted us to count exact amounts of vitamins while mario was telling us to just eyeball the amount. Will got a bit mad because he was worried we would run otu of vitamins and he blamed us and said we knew better. This frusterated me because of the way of work ethic is. I know we all make mistakes and I should let it go. No harm done.

I learned a lot about meds which will be helpful for the Nclex! HOPEFULLY!

I saw scabies today , like many fungal infections tons of sick children have. one women discovered she was pregnant at the clinic and that was ahappy thing even in hardship. The kids from the school kept trying to steal our toys for the patients and that was heartbreaking to tell them but we didnt have enough. Only a few people came with no medical problems expecting free meds which even so got vitamins which were beneficial. one woman brought her family through three times for things expecting more than vitamins.

its sad to see and and to turn your back to because they need these vitamins and are impoverished but having only so many and so many more sick people creates a sort of catch 22. How am I so lucky to never need anything that isnt available to me.

After a long day we came back to Ayudante for dinner. Victoria, Heather, and I read under the ticki hut and talked. It was so peaceful but all of a sudden i heard a swooshing noise. I looked up and could see darker clouds in the horizon. We 3 all started running back to the main house and as soon as we stepped under cover it began to pour. the lightening was stunning. It was so colorful, pink and white. I was amazed.

A local group brought handcrafted items for sale and the money they raise goes straight back to the poor villages to the people who made the items. I bought a few things including a pottery pig bank without a cork in the bottom. The tradition is when the money is needed you break the pig...essentially "breaking the bank". I thought that was cute. I played a game and emailed my mom. I had the opportunity to talk with heather a bit about God and faith and Hinduism. So many other things as well. We both ahve a lot in common. We are both open minded and have believing hearts. She is an old soul, i could tell,

We discussed faith and how much it takes to move your whole family here for this mission the way Bill has. We both agree we dont know if we would have that same faith to do that. I would like to believe i could!

God has shown me my heart and what I need to do through her. Such a blessing I have found this friend here in an uncommon way.

many of us dont know each other past this week, and we can sit next to each other and not utter a word and yet i feel so close to them.

Many bonds are being formed and relationships.

i find it interesting because i have always been someone who relies heavily on others. I will have 1 or 2 best friends that i am close to but everyone else i keep at arms length . this experience pushes me to be independent and follow what I want to do with my freetime. not what my friends are doing. Its a way of learning your own soul and who you are. Being comfortable alone. But i am fond of Heather and home to get to know her more,

Tomorrow I am unsure of my assignment I believe we are all staying on ground or near here. The guys are outside watching a projected movie on the wall with a laptop. the speakers would would and i couldnt hear so i cam intisde. it was a pirated 2 dollar copy bought at the market with spanish translation on the bottom. but it was actually not too bad in quality. AMAZING. haha. well now im going to read and i cant wait for tomorrow!

8/10 night

The hospital in leon was so different than any American one,. I knew things would be different here, less stable but I could never have expected this. People were on beds in the hallways, pregnant women not even near 9 months delivering, surgery rooms with a window a/c and 2 beds with a single curtain between them.

Rooms were packed with 10 patients and their families at a time, birds would fly around overheard. The floors were filthy, nothing seemed clean and it was miserably hott and muggy. the children only have clothe diapers which were being hung out on a porch to dry between cleanings.

i cannot even imagine that being a hospital in the US. especially after my recent ER visit. Doctors live in the hospials here and we asked one how much he got paid and he said about 300 dollars a month in US currency. My part time job pays that much a week.

Dr. Medina is a doctor in Leon and he works with El ayudante. He is giving up his only vacation week to work with us at the clinics. He said that the pediatric ICU he works with has only 2 venitllators and about 10 or more premature babies at a time that need one. He told us that ultrasounds are only availble for the upper class and many women have only 1 or none . the version of ultrasound is not as high tec as ours these days...they are the most basic. Dr. Medina shared that the highest cause of mortality is perinatal due to women working hard labor jobs while pregnant and poor prenatal care. Most have premature births. He says he sees mostly 12 and 13 year olds giving birth.
It was touching to hear about his dedication to his job and this country.

We went around Leon after the hospital and saw the oldest cathedral in the western hemisphere,. A catholic mass was going on in spanish. There were large murals and statues/sculptures all around the cathedral. I have never seen anything quite like it. It was beautiful.

We also went to a wall where grafiti depicts the story of Samosa's assassination/ Sandinista revolution. Somosa took aide money after a volcano errupted that was meant to be used to rebuld the country and instead used it for himself. He was an evil dictator basically. The US backed him up because the underground Sandinista's were against Samosa's and the Sandinista's were a communist party and of course the US hates communism...especially at this time during the cold war.

Today a Sandinista is in power in Nicaragua but the government is considered a republic.

We went to the sight of the massacre where Samosa's army killed university students who were sandinistas and protesting against samosa. There was a wall graffiti mural depicting that image as well.

The site now holds a basketball court.

We stopped for a beverage at a cafe near the cathedral and will be having dinner there later in the week. On the wall was art portraits of the famous poets from Leon...Ruben Dario being one of them. Leon, being home of the university is considered a artsy place. I felt so pleased that my pre-educational adventure gave me some knowledge of Ruben Dario so I knew who he was before arriving.

We went to the market and saw these live lizards or iguanas that were tied up by mouth and legs. They sell them alive to take home to cook and eat. one of the translators said that some people buy them as pets because they eat the cockroaches.

Dyre the translator was our guide through the market and she told us about her life. She learned English from her grandmother who was from England. She went to school for medicine for three years and dropped out because she became pregnant...after 2 more kids she has decided she would like to go back and is planning to next year.

Later on we went swimming with the kids from the orphanage on the El ayudante grounds. One little boy kept trying to tell me something I couldnt understand in spanish...he went and got a kid on the trip who could speak spanish to "tell this gringo i want her to throw me and catch me in the water" i laughed so hard. THey were loving the attention we were giving them and all the kids were so precious. When we got back to the grounds we played volleyball again then met the kids in the village next door to play in the fields. They would run up to you and hug you which at first thought seems cute but i know that this is a sign of child abuse and neglect. its deattachment. but we had fun with them and gave them some love...we would run and chase each other. You completely forget that these kids have scabies and just touch them and hug them regardless.

I wish i learned spanish before coming on this trip. I am doing my best trying to learn it and feel a litle overwhelmed. The spanish lesson was hard for me. I love learning new languages but I do not possess a talent for it...it doenst come very easy for me. In fact after 3 years of french which i absolutely loved, Madame Butois told me not to continue with classes because my grammar was that terrible.!I do actually keep throwing some french words in my spanish senteces...avec being one that keeps popping in there...and es tois instead of tu.

We talked about the set up for clinic tomorrow and had group presentations on different diseases that are prevelent here. I had malaria...thank God i took that cloroquine before coming...it seems like a terrible disease. My assignment for the first clinic day is in the pharmacy with Valerie and Brent. I am happy I am there because it would be a calm first day ...and thats good for my stress seing as i am nervous to start. I volunteered to go to the OB clinic one day to do pap smears. Basically we are all going to be acting as full fledged doctors, diagnosing and writing prescriptions... the attendings all just sign off on them

During our lesson on how to present and do H&P's and assessments I felt food about the skills I have adn what I know how to do from nursing. Many of the med students arent in clincal settings yet and dont know how to do something as simple as blood pressure. laura, the PA student taught me how to use an otoscope and look at the optic disc in the eye. Ithink i saw it but im not entirely sure. We all make up for each others weaknessess ...together we are one strong force!

"a nurse and a doctor relationship is like a pitcher and a shortstop, a pitch can be perfect but a shortstop can screw it all up" - Dr. Medina on nurse and doctor relationships and the importance of communication

I am looking forward to tomorrow!

8/10

italics are things from the journal, regular are after thoughts im having now!

I am here in nicaragua! Which i never thought would happen. Getting here was a challenege , chocking back sobs of homesickness, feeling like a total baby! But all of that vanished at first sight of Managua. Children, babies even, walking down the streets with barely any clothing. Open houses or tin wall rather with no ceiling or enclosement, people peeing on the sides of the street, random chickens, cows, dogs running rampid.

(a pic of our bus we took everywhere to clinics)

(a nicer nicaraguenese home)

its definitely a different world down here. Im beginning to feel one of the group. It became easier after I lightened up a bit. Last night Tim and Bill talked about El Ayudante (they basically run it) and its history and how the facility has grown. It was a God awakening their hearts to run this place. Bill is from Tennessee and moved his entire family down here a year ago. His 2 girls are in school in Leon . I give him so much credit for making that move...they sold all there land in TN ...they officially are residents on Nicaragua.

I am amazed by his dedication although he seems a little bit more of faith then the rest of us. I dont have problems with overtly religious people, in fact i envy them in some cases but sometimes i feel hesitation with people who are so vocal about it as though they are not only trying to convince me but also themselves. While Bill is doing a great thing for the Nicaragua people, i hope he isnt trying to convert everyone to a more devout way of living. He says that the way these people are treated is not in God's heart. Which i agree with...but the core of me is against the whole "heres a bottle of water but first you have to believe this Bible" . Most of the people in Nicaragua are catholic as well....they have faith. So converting isnt really necessary. I just want to provide people with there most basic needs...faith comes later. I would rather portray an image than proclaim it.

After his talk we played volleyball and then unpacked and reorganized all of the meds we brought for the clinic. We ate dinner which was some sort of chicken casserol...it could have also been tuna i am not sure ! The fruit here so fresh and delicious. The pinneapple is white but the sweetest i have ever had. we will be touring the hospital later and also getting a spanish lesson which i desperately need help with! Im just happy to be here and am asking God to work through me and take care of me as he always does!"

bienvenidos

Im home. Which isnt where i want to be. Granted i feel so grateful to have hot showers, a clean floor, 4 walls, a ceiling NOT made of tin, and a bug free bed. But nicaragua was the most rewarding experience of my life. I kept a journal while there and i will blog what i wrote for each day.



i feel so whole . like a piece of soul has been awakened. I feel purpose in life. You can prepare yourself for the things you know you will be seeing, but seeing them through your eyes right in front of you is different.

There isnt a single portion of me that doenst believe medicine is the right field for me. I know that i was born to do this now. With school starting on monday i am ready to face my boards at the end of the year, to soak up every minute piece of knowledge i can get my hands on, and be the best nurse I can be so that i can use my knowledge and life to serve . I am so happy and so full of life after that experience. I honestly cant even stop smilling.

Leaving!

The plane to nicaragua takes of tomorrow morning at 6 am. and I will be on that plane!.
this week has been full of so many challenges...a migraine on monday, colonoscopy on wed, and ER visit on thursday due to some complications. i cant even believe it! I was crying in the ER so afraid something more serious was going on and that i wouldnt be able to go on the trip.....but everything came back fine...so i got my prescription of pain meds and i was sent home to rest.
Now i just have finish packing. yuck.

I cannot believe how this has sneaked up on me! Summer just flew by! I feel so strange about leaving. im so content and excited and at peace but some anxiousness is mixed in there.

It seems i always worry about things and then they unfold so easily and fall into place that it was always silly to worry. You would think i would learn something from that? nah.

So off to nicaragua I am to do 5 days of free clinics and 2 days of touristy things! and then i will be back....i cant even imagine what this experience will do to me, how it will change me as a person and the appreciation i will receive for my life. (which I cant even imagine being more grateful for)....

I will update with my stories when i can....probably when i get back! and lots of photos will be taken!

so off i go to pack !!!!

settling anxiety

Last night was the benefit at Trotters in Toledo. My mom, nana, best friend greer, dad and stepmom went to support me. I have to admit i was extremely nervous to go. I dont know any of the people that are going on the trip...the nursing class i am in was divided into 2 and the other nursing students that are going are all from the same class and I am the only one from the other class. I felt that i was the odd man out because they all knew each other and med students already all knew each other....so i was concerned because i am socially inept and have trouble being outgoing with people my age. generally when people first meet me they think i dont like them because it takes me a while to talk and be friendly...i have to assess the situation before i get involved it in. I dont have this problem with old people. it seems just me peers. I dont really know why it causes me to have social anxiety...i just would rather be my own world.

so we get the the bar and i just an nervous about talking to people and saying hello. I am embarressed to admit that it took me 2 beers to build the courage but i did it...i talked with some people...which felt a bit awkward at first but after i got over the first minute it got better and easier....i sat with one girl from my nursing program and collected donations at the door. And it seems the first thing she said to me was " i dont know anyone here" i immeditely felt a calm come over me...i am not alone! so we talked and she was really nice and it just feels so much better to know that i am not the only person who feels so out of the loop. Plus, i havent been able to go to the packing meetings (where you sit around and count meds...i guess the regulations only allow us to bring an exact amount of certain medications over to nicaragua.....) so i felt like those were bonding opporunities that i was missing.....and i was afraid i was the only person not going. But this girl told me hardly anyone went , and she did and she still feels like she doesnt know anyone.

So i feel so much better about that...and everyone seemed really nice ill just have to take time and unveil myself one petal at a time and i know after the week is up it will be amazing i ever felt this way.

Greer reminded me that it is silly to be so caught up in wanted to know and be friends with these people. because thats not the reason why i am going. I am going to see a different culture, to help them with medical needs, to learn about myself and about the rest of the world. I think that feeling alone and on my two feet without someone holding my hand will be a good experience for me. I have never done anything on my own...this will be a first. I can only amagine what things will unveil to me about myself, and i am eager to see.