Today is the last day of February.
Which means, I have only 2 more months of school.
I cant believe how fast this semester is going so far. Half over already.
Next week I am starting my preceptorship at St. Charles in the OR. Im kind of looking forward to it, even though I dont beleive the OR is for me But ill give it my best chance.
This past week in clinical was a crazy one. I was extremely busy. I had a patient that I had once before, she was readmitted with terrible hemmroids/rash and pressure sores on her buttocks. So i spent a majority of the day putting cream on her butt and hearing her yell in pain. She had bloody diarrhea and it was all over my gloved hand and she even farted the most nasty smelling fart on my hand, i was gagging. But i had empathy for her, the last time i took care of her she was in much better health. she slept a majority of the day and didnt seem as social as she had in times before. I liked the chance to have a patient twice. In clinical we usually never ever get to do this and i think it makes a difference in yoru approach because you can compare how they are day to day and know truly how they are feeling. My other patient was a lovely older man who was getting a kidney removed. He was so delightful, i really enjoyed him. I had the opportunity to insert a catheter into his roommate which was great. Im finally getting all these skills into practice.

My birthday is in one week, i cant believe im going to be 23!!!! Im excited to spend it with my family and boyfriend. And over spring break which is going to be lovely to rest and see people i love. I am so ready for it! And my interview! which im suprising not nervous about at all, thats probably a good thing.

other than that im just studying and getting ready for the HESI which i am sooooo worried about. I just really want to pass it the first time and not have to stress about it. I just wish there was a secret i could be let in on regarding it. but its so hush hush. They just say "practice Nclex questions" which im doing but not at a passing rate.....scarry.

Still debating the Europe trip...it sound like itll be about 3500 to get over there for the trip and flight and then i guess id need spending money. Its something i really really want but really really cant afford i just dont know when the opportunity to spend 20 days abroad would present itself again. UGHHH. what to do.

Just to let everyone know, i may have my uterus extracted today.

damn being a female!

grrr

i have lots to write about.
il start with clinical stories, im sure those are always loved. I finally got baack to the hospital after being gone for mono and then having to go to surgery observation. I went to my instructor's tuesday group which is for the clinical nurse leaders...which is basically people that graduated from college with a bachelors in ANYTHING but now has decided to go back to school for nursing...kinda weird ....but to each there own,
anyways on that day one of my patients was getting discharged and was kind of morose, and he had MRSA contact precautions. He got MRSA from a tattoo. My other patient was a doll. She was 91, looked about 75 and had CHF with pulmonary embolism and was scheduled for greenfield filter placement . I spent most of my time talking with her and her daughter. she loved to talk to me, seemed really lonely and hungry for company. she made me miss the nursing home. I had a good time and it went by really fast. I felt like a good nurse.
On thursday I went back and had 2 new patients who this time both had MRSA contact precautions. one in her nose the other i wasnt sure frm what. so weird. its jsut running rampid . Im sure i have it in my nose, remaining dormant. it seems a majority of people on the floor have it n ow. My little old lady from 2 days before was still there, i visited her, she was doing well and looking to go home in a day or so. which made her happy. when i left her bedside i overheard her tell her daughter "she is so lovely, i really like her, shes a good nurse" that made me feel good.
my instructor came to find me later and asked if I wanted to drop my first NasoGastric tube. I was nervous, I had never done one before. The woman needing one was in her 80's and was having persistant vommitting. I had another girl in my group watching me as i did it. It was pretty smooth. Although after it was done, i felt terrible because the patient started tearing up, and I could tell it was a traumatic experience for her, being so sick and having to go through that. It made me sad, it was a moment of "do i really want to do this???" I felt like, though i am essentially helping her, i am also hurting her, and i loved her too much to hurt her because she seemed so sweet caring and sick i would have rather hugged her than shove a tube through her nose to her stomach. But she did say this was easier than the first time she had had it done, which made me feel a little better. After iw as done i had to hurry back to my patients who were ready for afternoon meds. It made me feel bad for not having time to spend with the NG tube lady, i was just a stranger who came into her room, inflicted pain adn left. I wish i could go back and actually get to know her better, she had her own nurse though at her bedsie and family there....im sure they comforted her.
then last week at clinical, i had one good patient, who i got to start my first IV on, which i did successfully with blood return! But she had easy veins....so it was the perfect patient. My other patient was not so lovely. She was 92 and completely out of it she couldnt talk just grumbled and didnt seem to know what was going on, refused to eat, pretended like she couldnt hear me and she tried to hit me a few times. NOT fun! I tried my best to be empathetic to her , but it was difficult.
Clinical is going good, i feel like my instructor really tries to give us all opportunities to do skills we havent done, which is the first time ive had an instructor like that...its cool.
I have my first interview scheduled for spirng break at christ hospital for a new grad position in the geriatric acute care unit. Although i kind of got it out of my system wanting to do geriatrics, and isntead have been aiming towards pediatrics or nicu.....its a job opportunity in this terrible economy where those are few and far in between it seems.
God has his plan for me, and maybe geriatrics is where I am supposed to be...
we shall see!!!

tka

i saw a knee surgery last thursday. i dont know why it just occured to me that i havent written about it.
i arrive to toledo hospital for my OR observation day for my medsurg clinical. i got there about 7 right when things are getting started. i actually had about 15 minutes before i had to be there....luckily. my paper said to go to the south visitor elevator...i found the elevators i believed her the south ones, took them to the second floor...i took the left, then the immediate right...and i was looking over a balcony and not at two double blue doors. panick sets in as a i realize i am so lost. i somehow entered the childrens hospital instead of the main hospital OR....i went back the way i came, found a security guard...who drew a map for me and directed me to where i needed to go...bless his heart.
i found the blue double doors, i went through them to the OR world.
i walked up, in my white scrubs in a world of green scrubs, to the nurses station...there were about 10 people huddle around it looking at schedules, getting barked out orders, loud and absolutely crazy...after 3 minutes i decided i was at the wrong station..and started to go further down the hallway until a large sign said "DO NOT ENTER IN STREET CLOTHES, PROPER ATTIRE ONLY"....i stopped in my tracks, i looked down.....not wearing street clothes, but i remember hearing that i needed to change and what if im not supposed to go back there , i already stick out like a sore thumb so i cant act like im just blending in.....so i make the decision to go back to the crazy nurses station which is actually like an over populated zoo exhibit....i muster up all the courage i have and say "excuse me"....no one pays attention....a little louder this time "EXCUSE ME, IM LOOKING FOR THE RN EDUCATOR".....a women on the phone, with a hairnet on that has a separated compartment for her banana bangs looks at me and says "yah, me too". I realize this is all im going to get. Banana bang lady tells me to go change. I look at her dumbstruck, where am i supposed to go, where are the clothes, what the hell am i even doing here?
she says to take a door on the right, go up the stairs, all the way down the hallway and theres the womens room.....so, i go....pass the door...then turn around and go back...find the door...take it...go up the stairs....down a long hallway....and i successfully find the locker room....there are scrubs right when i walk in ...all mixed sizes, i had to dig through them to find a size that wasnt XS or XXXXL ......L top, M bottom...and im changed......i head back to where i came from...now im just one of them at teh nurses station...the sea of green loud people. with a hairnets. but now the nurse educator has arrived....and shes nice, not like banana bangs...she asks me where im from and my name is, obviously had no idea who was going to be there today because she called me heather at first, because thats who was coming in the afternoon. I told her i am there till 11 am. So she decides a TKA would be good for me to see. She takes me through hallways of people, carts, beds, running, commotion...to the OR room ill be in. gives me shoe covers, a mask, and eye shields in case, you know, blood splashes. to puts me in a corner in the OR room...and leaves me. I stand there....moving periodically when someone needs to get into the cabinent behind me.and i observe.
the anesthesiologist is southern. he teaches me two things that the number 1 RESTRICTIVE lung disease is obesity...and the arterial O2 is 65 when the venous is 90. the surgeons assistants are okay. but the surgeon. a dick. he makes sexual jokes about everyone including me...calling one of the assistants a tripod. and starts to lift the obese woman's leg and makes comments like "how much do you think this weighs"
the surgery itself was cool. in between the jokes of "dont pass out now!" ...and "are you okay?" or "are you pregnant?? are you looking to get pregnant because he'll help yo out"....i liked the blood, and seeing the bones, and muscle in person. the woman just snores away. honestly though, as cool as it was to see, i was bored after 5 minutes. and here is what i learned about surgical nursing. 1) the circulator nurse basically sits on her ass. 2) the scrub nurse works her ass off and getrs bitched at by the surgeon.

needless to say, surgery is only fun if you are a surgeon.

i followed the patient to recovery where i met the nicest nurse i have ever mat in PACU. she was soooo helpful and nice and sweet and very much the nurse i would want to be. the PACU was interesting, its funny how people are on anesthesia, but its also dangerous with some. i think it would be fun to work there....definitely not a snooze fest.
after that it was 11 and with out any idea how to find the RN educater or Banana bangs...i just found my back back to my things, changed (WITH A MAN, in the dressing room for some unknown reason), and went about my way...

on the way out a women asked me how to get to the south elevators...i laughed....and told her i had no idea, im just a student and i dont know.....i love that i can use that excuse still.

I am an applying machine. I have applied for jobs left and right all over the place. i have to hear from someone soon. But i am still praying for the NICU job at cinci childrens. Laura said she knows someone that works there and will talk with them about it. Its just something ifeel in my gut i want to do so badly. I just hope it works out.
A lot of new grad jobs are avaible in places like Texas, Washington DC, and Cali. no place i want to live. I bit the bullet and applied to a place in Florida, and some in Nashville and one in kentucky. I just really want to stay within 5 hours of home. Ohio is my favorite place in the world. Im a avid traveler, but ohio is home.

Greer called to invite me to visit her in Cali over spring break, to tour around with her and her sister. Im considering it because the flight is only 200$ which isnt very bad. but i had already made some plans that i would have to cancel to go which makes me feel guilty...Greer has decided she wants to go to Europe with me if its still an option. This means id obviously have to take out a huge loan. I just cant pass this opportunity up. But the idea of getting futher in dept, and possibly not getting a job scares me. However, when will this opportunity ever present itself and when will this type of self discovery ever present itself?
maybe ill just give it time, see if a job lines up, if it does then see if i can start work in july and take june to travel.
i am going on vacation with my mother as a graduation present teh first week of june. I am so excited. i know it would be amazing and such a great time to do anything with my mother!

in other news, in one week ill be back in kentucky and it cant come soon enough. I miss him soooooo much. my best friend so far away. its been really hard being away from each other this time. I think it gets harder and harder each time. I hate it. But im really really happy, i just wish we could see each other more often. He is considering joining the air force which at first i was totally opposed to but the more and more we talk about it, it seems like a realyl good idea and its getting me excited. I just love him. end of story.

nothing else exciting is really happening here. I saw "he's just not that into you" which i was hilarious, every girl should see it...its a bit dramatic and over dramatized and kind of has a predictable ending but its good..

this next week is going to be crazy, i have a test on monday covering diabetes, kidney, pacreas, and lungs....should be hard!!! tuesday i am making up clinical that i missed because of mono (aka 5 am wake up call), then thursday i have my regular scheduled clinical (another 5 am call) , and then friday is class and my skill testing for sterile gowning for my surgery clas. such a stressful week followed by the valentines weekend with my boy and his boy! so get through the week of hell and have a great weekend!

these shoes will be mine someday.

of all the moods i have been in, this would not be the best, not the worst but not the best
im starting to freak out about NCLEX and HESI i had a dream i got an 846 on the HESI , need an 850 to pass it.
I talked to the HR dept from Cinci childrens that called me about the NICU position i applied for. The woman reported that all the new grad positions have been filled. They will be filling new grad floor nurses at the end of summer. NICU is the only place that hasnt hired new grads, but isnt look to yet. SHe said she is pushing them to make the decision to start interviewing new grads because she has several interested applicants. She said to keep in contact with her but usually they dont make this choice until April. I could look at this as promising, but i dont really.
i called Christ hosp back since they called me about the app i put in for the geriatric unit. they didnt answer b ut i left a message
im just worried, everyone is hiring but not new grads.
its just a weird position to be in, on the brink of adultland. I feel like everyone around me should be on the same page and there not.
Im starting to define the things i want for myself, and in my life. the future that i envision in terms of career, friendships, travelling, relationships, and family.

to embark on a deep thought:
How do you know if the love you have is enough. Sometimes people do things that we dont agree with but we cant control them. Controlling someone into living the life you envision for them and for you isnt love. But at the same time you want them to want the same things you do. How do you figure that out. Do you just walk away when its not 100% perfect. do you make compromises? What are the deal breakers in relationships. how do you define them? What if you turn your back on something that could be wonderful because of a deal breaker that you feel is so important but in reality and the grand scheme of things it is miniscule in comparision to the happiness you would feel if you chose to be more open minded. If one person sees something as inherently horrible and another as something that is okay and maybe good who is right? are they both right? how do you compromise that?
if you believe something is okay for some and not for others are you being judgemental and close minded. are we all equal. do the rules apply to everyone.

lets apply this. I think sky diving is foolish. if a someone not close to me wants to go sky dive, more power to them, it doesnt bother me. but if my mother does, id flip....thats just not going to happen, id have to stop her.

maybe not a severe enough example.

but maybe things arent as bad when they dont involve people we care about. but when it gets close to home, we have an opinion.

is this making any sense?