havent written anything for december, honestly since night shift, i work and then sleep and am too out of whack to do anything remotely exciting. this month was the month of christms which brings family, fun, and stress. now the holidays are almost over, just have to make it through new years in cinci and putting away the presents and we are home free for a while.
sunday is marks birthday, we have mason so im thinking mason and i are going to throw him a little birthday party at our aparatment just the 3 of us. should be fun!

michelle trachenburg stalks me. when i was little i watched harriet the spy and i became a spy riding my bike around the neighbor staring in peoples windows and writing down little comments, my mom and step dad were not to pleased to see me in peoples bushes and all just to write, "man in blue house sitting at table eating pasta" ....nothing exciting happened on maryland. and now michelle is playing a new grad nurse at mercy hospital who wears cute scrubs (just like me) although i find her optimism and excitement annoying...id rather bemore like veronica, headstrong, determined and knowing whats best and standing for it, i think in time that will come. and im excited for that
last night my 103 year old patient tried to bite me and called me a crazy fool. and i just laughed, and blessed her in my head. i have been taking care of an old man who is a friend of the family of mark . i have fell in love with him and his family, and have really become attached to him. michelle my manager told me in my peer review that im emotional at times, and that is expected of a new grad nurse. i kinda thought that was rediculous because i want to always be emotional...but empathetic, i want to cry with my patients when things arent right, and actually care and not be a hard ass. i am able for the most part to leave my emotions at work and it hink thats whats important,. but i vow to never become unemotional at work. i think thats what makes a good nurse.
anyways thats a little bit of an update i dont know what else to say but i am feeling the itch to write again as i have been moody lately. mom told me its because of the blue moon this month, which messes with our feelings, and of course its been an hard time with grandma smiths death and the holiday stress. knowing a reason is easier than carrying moodiness on my own. i just have to let it go, and believe that God is looking out for me, and give up the bad mood and accept happiness into my life

i feel like i havent slept in ages. almost like after dance marathon when i youre awake for 36 + hours depending on what time you had to be there before it started, and you stood on youre feet through the entire time, werent allowed to sit exept for the 15 minute breakfast and dinner you had...and youre entire body just hurt so bad you would give anything to remove your feet and shoulders if it would give you some relief.....but yah i feel kinda similar to that after moving to night shift.
the first night i was supposed to go i woke up feeling kinda sick, kinda like my world was shifted and everything was backwards and the whole world doesnt understand that its actually morning, not night time, so why are all the stores open?? usually they are closed as i approach work...but no iit was night and not morning and i felt emotional aboutleaving the girls on day shift who are so much like me and young and have quickly become my best friends here in ky, so i saw nikki and got report and started crying because i ahted that i had to be there and work a whole night through which just seems so unnatural to me.
now i knew going into this that iw ould be on the night shift and thats was no problem for me, i actually thought id prefer it, or not mind it but after orientation and loving the day shift andthe busyness and the doctors and orders and tests and getting a hands on appraoch the pathology of these patients i dreaded nights...
it started off kinda busy, did my med tosses, and admitted a new patient, and did my assessment and then about 1 am it was dead....no pharmacy, no labs, no tests, no doctors, everyones asleep...and i was B O R E D i hate to be bored at work i would reather be stressed and running around like a mad women taking care of these people, in fact i am driven by stress it motivated me, i feel useful i feel important and that is whyi became a nurse...not to be there in case someone needed to pee, or needed a pillow, im there to heal....so after 2 nights i can say that no i do not like night shift...
i pray and pray for a day opening to come through...i just dont know how ill last...
but other than that
i love kentucky and my life although nowt hat my schedule is switchedi havent seen my boy since friday and i havent seen mason for almost 2 weeks! which is sad because hes growing so fast i dont want to miss a minute.

tonight somer and i are headed to see new moon for the second time. im glad that we are able to hang out since we arent working together anymore, im going to vent my frusterations of night shift to her . but i dont want to seem like i dont like my job or a complainer, a lot of nurses are big complainers and forget that the fundamental reason we do waht we do is to be there for these patienst and i think that if a nurse doesnt want to be there she shouldnt be..no one forces you to work there, so if you hate youre job leave.....i dont want to hear it and a bad mood only puts me in a bad mood, its contagious....so yah i dotn want to do that to somer but she was my preceptor adn now my best friend here so i feel like i can talk to her about it...im optomistic though that itllget better, and that itll only last as long as im the guppie in the pond and eventually i will be able to move to a better shift! I HOPE!