"he claims that the relapse was a one-shot, three-day mistake and he's fine. But the longer he talks, the more it becomes obvious that his voice is the voice of HIM on something.
I wait.
It's like watching from afar, perhaps through binoculars with imperfect lenses, the moments before a train wreck. All of us who love him commiserate. we all know. and yet there is nothing you can do. "
- beautiful boy, david sheff
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
i hit a parked car at work tonight as i was leaving
i heard a loud BOOM, felt it, and thought "ah shit, i hit a curb again" and then i looked and it was a car...i got out and looked at a plate sized dent was in the front right of this car. i got back into my car, giggled, and then started crying...called mark, no answer...called mom, she got the machine , prayed prayed prayed and yes she answered
she calmed me down, asked me if i had any damage... well, didnt check for that, get out of the car and check....and i just have a scratch and some paint frm the other car....great. of course id be fine and theyd have a huge dent.
mom told me to go in and get a security guard to find the owner, but i was too embarressed and i didnt wwant to interupt someone if they were with patients so i left a note.
now ill admit i thought briefly of just leaving but then i thought thats terrible karma and theres security cameras lol...i guess im not an angel after all that this thought did come across my mind, it makes me feel guilty even to admit it and to write it makes it real.
well i have my insurance info sitting by my phone, im ready for the call. ijust hope its not the bitchiest person in the hospital that i have yet to encounter or withmy luck its dr. j who yelled at me when i was trying to put a bp cuff on his patient that was newly admitted with a resting HR of about 150, and yelled "NO NO NO I HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STOP I CANNOT HEAR THE PATIENT" as he was trying to get a history...because really it makes a lot of noise to put a bp cuff on someone????....yah its probably his car.
all i can think about now though is how i once hit nana's house and grandpa rich came running out in his boxers and no shirt "WHAT THE HELL YOU DOIN???" i mean if you know him, just imagine him running, he NEVER ran, big old pot belly and tiny tiny tiny little legs come bolting out the house....i miss that crazy old man.
well thats an update, the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a while ! tomorrow is a day off then i work wed and then the weekend so tomorrow ill be cleaning and doing laundry because my apt is trashed after masons weekend...there are cookie and cereal and cracker crumbs all over and little juice spills...its a mess and its overwhelming to try and keep up with him because one mess just replaces another so i just wait till the time isup then i clean it all and then its usually time for his return! he definitely leaves an impression in more ways that one =)
i heard a loud BOOM, felt it, and thought "ah shit, i hit a curb again" and then i looked and it was a car...i got out and looked at a plate sized dent was in the front right of this car. i got back into my car, giggled, and then started crying...called mark, no answer...called mom, she got the machine , prayed prayed prayed and yes she answered
she calmed me down, asked me if i had any damage... well, didnt check for that, get out of the car and check....and i just have a scratch and some paint frm the other car....great. of course id be fine and theyd have a huge dent.
mom told me to go in and get a security guard to find the owner, but i was too embarressed and i didnt wwant to interupt someone if they were with patients so i left a note.
now ill admit i thought briefly of just leaving but then i thought thats terrible karma and theres security cameras lol...i guess im not an angel after all that this thought did come across my mind, it makes me feel guilty even to admit it and to write it makes it real.
well i have my insurance info sitting by my phone, im ready for the call. ijust hope its not the bitchiest person in the hospital that i have yet to encounter or withmy luck its dr. j who yelled at me when i was trying to put a bp cuff on his patient that was newly admitted with a resting HR of about 150, and yelled "NO NO NO I HAVE TO ASK YOU TO STOP I CANNOT HEAR THE PATIENT" as he was trying to get a history...because really it makes a lot of noise to put a bp cuff on someone????....yah its probably his car.
all i can think about now though is how i once hit nana's house and grandpa rich came running out in his boxers and no shirt "WHAT THE HELL YOU DOIN???" i mean if you know him, just imagine him running, he NEVER ran, big old pot belly and tiny tiny tiny little legs come bolting out the house....i miss that crazy old man.
well thats an update, the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a while ! tomorrow is a day off then i work wed and then the weekend so tomorrow ill be cleaning and doing laundry because my apt is trashed after masons weekend...there are cookie and cereal and cracker crumbs all over and little juice spills...its a mess and its overwhelming to try and keep up with him because one mess just replaces another so i just wait till the time isup then i clean it all and then its usually time for his return! he definitely leaves an impression in more ways that one =)
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