reading this book. and realizing more than ever the guilt i feel over missing out on the mommyhood gene that makes a woman want to stay home and raise her babies and not work. the very thought kills my soul. Most girls i know ultimately want to obtain that stay at home mom dream. in fact my own mother dabbled with it when she was able. but the didnt pass that on to me! this weekend (a weekend that should be filled with sleeping in and rest) has left me more than every frazzled. just read the to do list on the movie poster and it is blatantly aware of my feelings. friday night, natalie, Masons cousin spent the night and didnt go to bed until near 11. what time did they wake up but 530 am, on a saturday. mark wasnt home. i was all alone at 530 in the morning with 2 three year old and a puppy. that pees and poops everywhere. my house was a mess, i needed to shower, my bedding was wet with dog pee. and all i could wish for in that one moment was that it was actually monday and that i could escape to work. how sick is that? i would rather go to WORK in fact work a DOUBLE SHIFT than be home with children cooking and cleaning. i can see my grandma josephine rolling over in the grace. heaven forbid. i feel genetically imperfected. and this book gives me glimpse of the judgment i will receive when i have my own children and forgo the homemade cookies to the dollhouse roll you slice and bake...hell to even the kroger already made cookies which i will dutifully assemble on a crystale plate and pretend i mastered in the kitchen. my poor children will not have me on their pta because id rather be going to conferences out of town on the headway made with lice (no pun intended).
and now i am going to beg my 3 year old to go to sleep at 930 for a nap because he woke up at 630 this am. im tired. im worn out and for petes sake its SUNDAY . i have never looked this forward to a monday!

am i a bad person?

my life since july 4th: super fast : MOVED INTO A HOUSE, GOT A PUPPY, STARTED BACK TO SCHOOL....

does that cover it for you?

the new house is really coming along and it feels almost surreal. mark and i still refer to our payment as our rent! weve already to managed to flood the basement (tree roots in the pipe = 200$ cost to fix) , break the fan in the kitchen (swiffle sweeper lift gone wrong), and marks brother stepped through one of the steps on our porch (glad it wasnt mason)
we just sigh and say "were home owners now"
this has to be the only thing i miss about renting, knowing that someone else has to fix whatever breaks...but in owning my own home we have to fix it.
but needless to say its a beautiful little country home ! and i adore it! i will tackle room by room to decor and design and it will be the home of ones dreams!

my puppy is zeus who is a weimeraner and im midly obsessed (ok, more than midly). hes so cute, honestly ive always loved animals and want to save them all but this dog has got a special little hold on me. now if hed only stop pissing and shitting in my house! He is a little bit rediculous in that he will pull the toilet paper off the roll to make a pile and then pee on it, as if to say...here mommy and daddy let me help you clean it up by making it easier...if hes smart enough to do that why cant he go outside? we decided to break down and get a crate to train him because taking him out every hour isnt working...hes like a phantom pooper or something...moves with the super speed of a ninja !

the new school years has been good, im glad to be back and away from night shift....
its funny to see new kids and the old kids and how much one short summer can change them! the boys are taller than me!

my mom came down last weekend with my uncle which was so nice to see some loving faces here. i like when my family visits it makes it feel less large here...im honestly alone a lot and it can be hard but really im a loner type of person. after a long day at work there is nothing i love more than peace and quit, a good book, jammies , and the couch! i have friends down here but they are married with babies which is different than most of my friends back home but not quite where i am not. im a newlywed who likes to go out to dinner and go to the movies still with some gal pals but im lacking in that department i guess. im not really sure how to go about meeting people. i feel limited as this is a small town, everyone has their friends...god i sound like im throwing a pitty party for myself...its really not alll that bad !!! :)

i recently read this book :


i got the idea from the trailer for the movie, its where i get lots of book ideas...whichout ever even seeing the movie!! but this time i really want to see it. i heard that it wasnt a very good movie from someone that the characters were devoid of personality as it didnt really get deep into their heads in the flick. but i found the book to be opposite....

the funny thing is i saw this trailer :


i mistook it for a book that had these characters meeting every year on this one day, but instead its about these characters lives throughout the years but just a peak into one day. i found it to be powerful and moving, i even shed a few tears for these characters that i grew to love and find myself in and my relationship in. i think the critics were way off...although i have yet to see the movie, the trailer is on the ball..


anyways, just a little recommendation from this avid reader! and if you have any recommedations, feel free to send them my way! im off to start "I dont know how she does it" by allison pearson *another movie hint*