i realize i havent blogged in a while but ive gotten the itch again
on wednesday night i was pulled to the icu. i usually hate this because its just foreign territory where there are shark nurses who have been doing their job for a while and as a newbie they have a way of making you feel embarressed for not know things. they gave me a patient i had taken care of before on stepdown so that was fine with me. i felt capable. then an transfer came and they asked me to take it. i did. it was a little old woman who came in with abd. pain and apparently had a bowel obstruction, she had turned for the worse by aspirating and getting pneumonia and was going to need to be on a bipap. she was a dnr /dni so it seemed like an easy case. well she came down and her husband came with her. and at one look at this couple and my heart just melted. after assessing this woman and starting her medications her husband of 69 years asked if he could stay the night because he didnt want to dry the 1 hour home in the dark...of course i let him and made him a bed. hes the kind of guy that would be starving, and when you ask if he would like something to eat would say no just to keep from inconveniencing anyone. he told me he was a farmer adn had been out on the fields the day before but his wife had been sick that day, so he stayed with her and brought her in to the ER. quickly i learned that this woman was not doing good, her heart began to go out of rhythm into runs of vtach then she converted into afib. her mental status declined and it became obvious that her time was limited. we explain to the husband and he just looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "so shes getting worse" i shook my head and explained yes. he stood up, with his cane and asked if he could hold her hand, would it make a difference , will she know hes still tehre...i told him i believe she does, and i believe she will know you are there. i pulled a chair up and lowered her bed so that he could sit next to her and hold her hand,,, she wasnt very responsive but she did wake up a few times and look at him and i asked if she knew he was there adn she said yes. the husband told me they married after her 16th birthday, on december 22nd....told me she wanted to make it to her 70th anniv but wasnt sure she would now. they had 5 kids, lost one to brain cancer and had 3 boys and 1 girl surviving. the girl was born a few days before their 1st wedding anniv and she honored them in their marriage by getting married on the same day. this man clearly loved his wife. i could tell just by looking at the way he looked at her that he still saw this beautiful young 16 year old girl he fell inlove with in that hospital bed. he pulled me aside and i hugged him as he told me that he didnt want to lose her but didnt want to see her suffer, that she wouldnt want to suffer. he just wanted her to be peaceful. i cried with this man. as i left my shift she seemed to be improving as they do before they pass. i came in the next night and learned that she did pass away with her son and husband with her that afternoon.
i havent been able to stop thinking abotu them. this is love. that must be the ultimate gift of love, to let someone go and not put them through pain to keep them alive. to honor their wishes and yet be alone after 69 years this man is going to be all alone in his home, i cannot imagine being with mark that long and having to go through what this man did in 1 day and give him up after 69 years. theres such a history between them, a full life shared and now she is gone. my heart just breaks thinking about it.
i believe with my whole heart that she is in a better place adn will always be with her husband and that they will be reunited soon as he will join her and she must be so happy to be with her son she had to bury years before.
they were just so sweet, and cute and loving. it really taught me so much about the power of love. i felt so honored to be able to be their at this moment in their lives. to help this man grieve his wife and say goodbye. I hope to be loved that much in my own life.