My head has been pounding the past 2 days.
Now that clinical has come to a close, i find myself sleeping more that I should be,
Maybe this is due to the depression of being a part from my best friend in New Hampshire after having visited her. Or maybe its because, when you find that your days are no long jam packed, you realize the sleep you are missing and allow yourself the time to be drawn in to the lazyness and fatigue that has been chasing you all semester. Needless to say, I still feel guilty about the naps and sleep I have been getting. I walk around my apartment aimlessly overlooking ever nook and cranny for something I am missing that I need to be doing, but always end up on the couch, in my jammy's, watching a Reba rerun on Lifetime.
With the semester coming to a close in 3 weeks, I will be heading home to Cleveland for 3 weeks of R & R. a much needed library trip, and shopping, and visiting with family and friends is in the works. Greer is coming home frm California for a while. My friend Sarah in Texas is coming home. Julia is coming back from NH. Everyone is in the state we all come from and love.
I love the holiday season and kind of glad the economy sucks this year and looking forward to not seeing as many presents under trees. I think this will give us all the chance to really focus on the things that matter,
The only trouble plaguing me these days is this new relationship I have embarked on. Well my non-relationship since he is my non-boyfriend as we are exclusively not dating. My father has found out about this new guy in my life and will be acting as though he has no idea when i tell him t hat I am leaving after thanksgiving to visit my non-boyfriend. This is the first serious guy in my life that he has ever heard about and Im sure that poor daddy will not be very happy about it. Non-Boyfriend is very worried about meeting dad, which makes me laugh...Barry coming across threatening??? please!
Needless to say its becoming so serious and it freaks me out just a little. But its the good scared, the good freak out. Im very happy. and he buys ME dinner...not the other way around for once.... haha.
But we'll be taking it one day at a time, that mantra always seems to make life a little easier. Id highly recommend it!
In post grad plans, the vanderbilt application is starting after the 27th and is due by feb. 1st, i found this out after sending in my resume too early! Im so excited. I know that if i dont get it ill be headed to Cincinnati to leave with Julia which I am equally as excited about. Either plan wouldnt start until July (the program OR Julia moving back!) So im planning a Europe trip with a large Loan I will be taking out. ITs hard to plan, picking what I want to do. But here is what I am leaning toward. on Contiki.com they have a 14 day tour of Italy, through all the famous cities...i feel this is best to really get a feel of my heritage and the entire country since all the cities in Italy are like little countries themselves, so unique and different from each other. After that I would like to spend a week in Paris. on my own. Walking aimlessly through the city and travelling by Eurotrail anywhere else i might want to go. While i want to visit more countries in Europe, i really want the opportunity to really enjoy them on my own time, in depth and get to know them for there uniqueness city by city instead of just spending 2 days in each place as the tours often do. So ill plan on doing what i please for a week and if i miss things, ill be back. I am sure. I am not one of those people who doesnt travel..who says they will go somewhere and never does....It is essential to my life to see the world. and i will.
so those are the plans so far...but let me remind myself, and you...one day at a time!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
im listening to the twilight soundtrack and feeling kind of in a "bare your soul" mood.
So, Obama wins the election and I can continue being an American citizen (haha!) . Im really looking forward to the changes that will be made and the new nation that will emerge. I feel like things have already changed. I really feel the poor will have their day. It is engraved in my heart to help the poor, especially the children. I wish I could save the world.
I ran into Denise, the RN that went with us to Nicaragua. Im actually in her class next semester for HESI prep. Im really excited. She is teaching a masters course and has arranged to take the grad students to Nicaragua for a thesis project over spring break. Im so excited for her and incredibly jealous. I am dying to go back. Ive been dreaming about it so much lately. Will, the leader is headed to Darfur over Christmas break to do mission work there. Ill just be heading back to Cleveland. I know in time with education and experience I can do these things too. The programs that work with foreign countries all require some experience, and Ill get there!
Im still obsessed with the idea of not knowing what to do with myself come May. I have been researching a Europe trip which is extremely expensive. I would have to take an enormous loan out , which at this time in the economy probably isnt the smartest thing. But i think that trip would really help me grow as a person and allow me to get to know myself before i join the working world and society. I think i fear being apart of this. I dont want to be ordinary. I dont want my life to be the same thing day in and day out. I dont ever want to be bored. Luckily, I dont think nursing can bring a boring life.
Im taking off to New Hampshire next weekend to visit Julia. Shes only a hour from Boston so we will be doing a city trip. Im praying it doesnt rain like the last Boston trip, which consisted of us running around with hoods up and not really looking at the city as we ran from shelter to shelter, but it did make for a fun trip. But i hope to really absorb it this time and take it in for all i ts beauty.
By the way, my room is functional and clean, so are my emotions. He and I are now postwar, and doing just as well as we were before the war. He has allowed himelf to show some emotion regarding the incident and allowed me to see that in actuality it does bother him, but he has to build a wall and make no emotion seen when dealing with the situation in order to prevent something far worse from blowing up. He has a better game face that I imagined. Enough to fool me into thinking he didnt care...no wonder he is so good at poker.
Dad is coming up today with the desk, my japanese floor sitting ways will come to an end today. I hope this facilitates a better learning experience. And as for the bandaide fixed bed, it didnt last long before a new hole developed, the bed deflated and iwoke up on the ground...so i bit the bullet and bought a new one. This is an air bed designed to be used as an actual bed and its wonderfully comfortable. Facilitating wonderful dreams and deep thoughts before rest.
im off to study for exams, 2 next week. grrr. I cant wait for a break =)
So, Obama wins the election and I can continue being an American citizen (haha!) . Im really looking forward to the changes that will be made and the new nation that will emerge. I feel like things have already changed. I really feel the poor will have their day. It is engraved in my heart to help the poor, especially the children. I wish I could save the world.
I ran into Denise, the RN that went with us to Nicaragua. Im actually in her class next semester for HESI prep. Im really excited. She is teaching a masters course and has arranged to take the grad students to Nicaragua for a thesis project over spring break. Im so excited for her and incredibly jealous. I am dying to go back. Ive been dreaming about it so much lately. Will, the leader is headed to Darfur over Christmas break to do mission work there. Ill just be heading back to Cleveland. I know in time with education and experience I can do these things too. The programs that work with foreign countries all require some experience, and Ill get there!
Im still obsessed with the idea of not knowing what to do with myself come May. I have been researching a Europe trip which is extremely expensive. I would have to take an enormous loan out , which at this time in the economy probably isnt the smartest thing. But i think that trip would really help me grow as a person and allow me to get to know myself before i join the working world and society. I think i fear being apart of this. I dont want to be ordinary. I dont want my life to be the same thing day in and day out. I dont ever want to be bored. Luckily, I dont think nursing can bring a boring life.
Im taking off to New Hampshire next weekend to visit Julia. Shes only a hour from Boston so we will be doing a city trip. Im praying it doesnt rain like the last Boston trip, which consisted of us running around with hoods up and not really looking at the city as we ran from shelter to shelter, but it did make for a fun trip. But i hope to really absorb it this time and take it in for all i ts beauty.
By the way, my room is functional and clean, so are my emotions. He and I are now postwar, and doing just as well as we were before the war. He has allowed himelf to show some emotion regarding the incident and allowed me to see that in actuality it does bother him, but he has to build a wall and make no emotion seen when dealing with the situation in order to prevent something far worse from blowing up. He has a better game face that I imagined. Enough to fool me into thinking he didnt care...no wonder he is so good at poker.
Dad is coming up today with the desk, my japanese floor sitting ways will come to an end today. I hope this facilitates a better learning experience. And as for the bandaide fixed bed, it didnt last long before a new hole developed, the bed deflated and iwoke up on the ground...so i bit the bullet and bought a new one. This is an air bed designed to be used as an actual bed and its wonderfully comfortable. Facilitating wonderful dreams and deep thoughts before rest.
im off to study for exams, 2 next week. grrr. I cant wait for a break =)
Monday, November 3, 2008
i had a dream last night that I was leaving to go to Puerto Rico to do medical missions and save the children but as i was on my way to the airport, I realized i forgot my passport, shoes, and socks. I woke up shortly after so I dont know really what became of it.
I think this is a sign that my mind has been jumbled lately....not exactly in one place and one time but scattered all over.
I have come to realize that the level of my emotional status and capabilities can be judged by the state of my room. If it is messy, so are my emotions. If it is clean, im stable. If it so bad it looks like a tornado hit, BEWARE.
This is the current state. Piles of clothes have accumulated so much that i cant remember which ones were clean and which ones were dirty. I found 7 socks at the end of my bed today, dont know why its uneven. and my bed is actively deflating, i found a hole in it last night and placed a bandaide over it in a drowsy stupor. the bandaide seems to be holding up just fine, at least the air is leaving as a slower pace.
I think things will be getting better here within a few days. Its not like i can really justify these feelings on one happening. its just my pms, time in the moon cycle, stupidity of certain people, and the letting go of something serious that happened.
im going home tomorrow night , which i am excited about. but i am getting a cat scan on wednesday. Im not concerned about it , but the barium i have to drink reminds me of that nasty taste of fleet phosphosoda mixed with lemon gatoraide which is activating my gag reflex as i write.
I am reading the book sense & senseability and i am identifying the characters so much I feel like jane austin has invaded my very core.
I am also reading the 50 greatest love letters ever written, which is torture. ad much as we all wish we would recieve these love letter, the epilogue behind the romances all involve some sort of affair and tragedy beyond comprehension. I hope this doesnt become my life.
I think this is a sign that my mind has been jumbled lately....not exactly in one place and one time but scattered all over.
I have come to realize that the level of my emotional status and capabilities can be judged by the state of my room. If it is messy, so are my emotions. If it is clean, im stable. If it so bad it looks like a tornado hit, BEWARE.
This is the current state. Piles of clothes have accumulated so much that i cant remember which ones were clean and which ones were dirty. I found 7 socks at the end of my bed today, dont know why its uneven. and my bed is actively deflating, i found a hole in it last night and placed a bandaide over it in a drowsy stupor. the bandaide seems to be holding up just fine, at least the air is leaving as a slower pace.
I think things will be getting better here within a few days. Its not like i can really justify these feelings on one happening. its just my pms, time in the moon cycle, stupidity of certain people, and the letting go of something serious that happened.
im going home tomorrow night , which i am excited about. but i am getting a cat scan on wednesday. Im not concerned about it , but the barium i have to drink reminds me of that nasty taste of fleet phosphosoda mixed with lemon gatoraide which is activating my gag reflex as i write.
I am reading the book sense & senseability and i am identifying the characters so much I feel like jane austin has invaded my very core.
I am also reading the 50 greatest love letters ever written, which is torture. ad much as we all wish we would recieve these love letter, the epilogue behind the romances all involve some sort of affair and tragedy beyond comprehension. I hope this doesnt become my life.
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