the stress that is inside of me has reached its boiling point, over the past weekend i spent many late night hours wife away with an inability to sleep due to the record that plays in my mind "need marks baptism and birth certificate, mail the contract, get the dj squared away, pick out readings, make appts, figure out the flow of things" and it goes on and on as though i can actually help this at 3 am and get things squared away. but i cant so i just wish that on and off switch would develop that ive been wanting for years and years but it never comes.

its hard to plan a wedding out of state, has anyone ever told you that?

ive been back in school this week after spring break and its been eventful. theres only like 37 days left of school and some of those ill be missing. im going to miss these kids over the summer, and particulary the 8th graders as they go over to high school next year.

being a school nurse has become my indentity, being a nurse has become my identity. at school im referred to as "the nurse".....as in....Go see The Nurse. or can I see The Nurse ...I need to talk to The Nurse. ....are you The Nurse.....I think youre my school nurse?

and at the hospital its nurse nurse nurse as well...nurse has become my name.
im not sure i mind it ....most days.
'

sometimes i spit out facts at the drop of the hat, things i didnt even know i knew ...and it amazes me...i have most confidence in myself as a nurse...i know what im talking about and thats a great feeling. to be consulted on health and to actually be able to health. it makes me feel smart and good about myself...i look forward to learning more and more and more and getting further in my career on the ladder where i can share more knowledge with more people.

so i guess ill stop bragging on myself for now... haha. but its nice to feel good about something in a world taht always tells us we need to do more and that we arent good enough and that its all about money and nothing more....it makes me see the greater purpose that i hold that god has given to me . i work hard to make Him proud and that makes me happy. ....everyone needs something to be passionate about, to have something that makes them happy.

i cant sleep which makes me feel like i should write.
mason is sound asleep and cuddles up to me but i cant seem to drift off and yet i know his early wake up will be here before we know it and the sun will begin to shine as i am just entering my first rem cycle. ahh alass. this is what i get for returning to night shift this week.

spring break is over after sunday so i can return to the regular schedules programming, and it cant be here soon enough! i miss my girls at work and we only have 6 weeks left together. one of whom is leaving after the end of the school year because of budget cuts which is going to change the very dynamic of the place next year., i wonder if ill like it as much without this dear friend.

i ran into several of my kid from school and its always so funny that they recognize me when i barely recognize them. i guess if they arent frequent flyers they blend into my crowd but i think its cute the bashfullness of seeing me in public like i actually am a real person and not just a school nurse..many moms approach me for them. i adore it.

im getting stressed about about the wedding. so much to do and time is ticking away.

im getting drowsy now so im going to try sleep :)