8/11

Monday has come and gone, hard to believe

pliatano/plantanes and an authentic dish which resembled some sort of beef rice veggie stirfry , very tasty, was for lunch with FRESH FRUIT! which seems to be available at every meal. The white pinneapple is my favorite. haha. ive been trying to open up and allow myself to eat things I normally would turn my nose at. Which is so unlike me but I figure , you have to respect a culture for who and what it is. and every part of that. That is part of what this experience is all about.

Today we went to the school Miromar and set up our clinic. It was an hour drive , minus the random stop because they thought the bus was leaking gas. We drove pretty close to the volcanoes so it was a beautiful scenery. The 2 were named big brother volcano and little brother volcano but i forget the spanish translation .

I worked at the pharmacy with mario (the translator), valerie, and brent. It was a challenge searching for the meds in the wrong bags and dealing out the exact correct number of pills and such. mario was the pharmacist and translator. a lot of the scripts he would change to what he would do which got us in trouble with will because he wanted us to count exact amounts of vitamins while mario was telling us to just eyeball the amount. Will got a bit mad because he was worried we would run otu of vitamins and he blamed us and said we knew better. This frusterated me because of the way of work ethic is. I know we all make mistakes and I should let it go. No harm done.

I learned a lot about meds which will be helpful for the Nclex! HOPEFULLY!

I saw scabies today , like many fungal infections tons of sick children have. one women discovered she was pregnant at the clinic and that was ahappy thing even in hardship. The kids from the school kept trying to steal our toys for the patients and that was heartbreaking to tell them but we didnt have enough. Only a few people came with no medical problems expecting free meds which even so got vitamins which were beneficial. one woman brought her family through three times for things expecting more than vitamins.

its sad to see and and to turn your back to because they need these vitamins and are impoverished but having only so many and so many more sick people creates a sort of catch 22. How am I so lucky to never need anything that isnt available to me.

After a long day we came back to Ayudante for dinner. Victoria, Heather, and I read under the ticki hut and talked. It was so peaceful but all of a sudden i heard a swooshing noise. I looked up and could see darker clouds in the horizon. We 3 all started running back to the main house and as soon as we stepped under cover it began to pour. the lightening was stunning. It was so colorful, pink and white. I was amazed.

A local group brought handcrafted items for sale and the money they raise goes straight back to the poor villages to the people who made the items. I bought a few things including a pottery pig bank without a cork in the bottom. The tradition is when the money is needed you break the pig...essentially "breaking the bank". I thought that was cute. I played a game and emailed my mom. I had the opportunity to talk with heather a bit about God and faith and Hinduism. So many other things as well. We both ahve a lot in common. We are both open minded and have believing hearts. She is an old soul, i could tell,

We discussed faith and how much it takes to move your whole family here for this mission the way Bill has. We both agree we dont know if we would have that same faith to do that. I would like to believe i could!

God has shown me my heart and what I need to do through her. Such a blessing I have found this friend here in an uncommon way.

many of us dont know each other past this week, and we can sit next to each other and not utter a word and yet i feel so close to them.

Many bonds are being formed and relationships.

i find it interesting because i have always been someone who relies heavily on others. I will have 1 or 2 best friends that i am close to but everyone else i keep at arms length . this experience pushes me to be independent and follow what I want to do with my freetime. not what my friends are doing. Its a way of learning your own soul and who you are. Being comfortable alone. But i am fond of Heather and home to get to know her more,

Tomorrow I am unsure of my assignment I believe we are all staying on ground or near here. The guys are outside watching a projected movie on the wall with a laptop. the speakers would would and i couldnt hear so i cam intisde. it was a pirated 2 dollar copy bought at the market with spanish translation on the bottom. but it was actually not too bad in quality. AMAZING. haha. well now im going to read and i cant wait for tomorrow!

8/10 night

The hospital in leon was so different than any American one,. I knew things would be different here, less stable but I could never have expected this. People were on beds in the hallways, pregnant women not even near 9 months delivering, surgery rooms with a window a/c and 2 beds with a single curtain between them.

Rooms were packed with 10 patients and their families at a time, birds would fly around overheard. The floors were filthy, nothing seemed clean and it was miserably hott and muggy. the children only have clothe diapers which were being hung out on a porch to dry between cleanings.

i cannot even imagine that being a hospital in the US. especially after my recent ER visit. Doctors live in the hospials here and we asked one how much he got paid and he said about 300 dollars a month in US currency. My part time job pays that much a week.

Dr. Medina is a doctor in Leon and he works with El ayudante. He is giving up his only vacation week to work with us at the clinics. He said that the pediatric ICU he works with has only 2 venitllators and about 10 or more premature babies at a time that need one. He told us that ultrasounds are only availble for the upper class and many women have only 1 or none . the version of ultrasound is not as high tec as ours these days...they are the most basic. Dr. Medina shared that the highest cause of mortality is perinatal due to women working hard labor jobs while pregnant and poor prenatal care. Most have premature births. He says he sees mostly 12 and 13 year olds giving birth.
It was touching to hear about his dedication to his job and this country.

We went around Leon after the hospital and saw the oldest cathedral in the western hemisphere,. A catholic mass was going on in spanish. There were large murals and statues/sculptures all around the cathedral. I have never seen anything quite like it. It was beautiful.

We also went to a wall where grafiti depicts the story of Samosa's assassination/ Sandinista revolution. Somosa took aide money after a volcano errupted that was meant to be used to rebuld the country and instead used it for himself. He was an evil dictator basically. The US backed him up because the underground Sandinista's were against Samosa's and the Sandinista's were a communist party and of course the US hates communism...especially at this time during the cold war.

Today a Sandinista is in power in Nicaragua but the government is considered a republic.

We went to the sight of the massacre where Samosa's army killed university students who were sandinistas and protesting against samosa. There was a wall graffiti mural depicting that image as well.

The site now holds a basketball court.

We stopped for a beverage at a cafe near the cathedral and will be having dinner there later in the week. On the wall was art portraits of the famous poets from Leon...Ruben Dario being one of them. Leon, being home of the university is considered a artsy place. I felt so pleased that my pre-educational adventure gave me some knowledge of Ruben Dario so I knew who he was before arriving.

We went to the market and saw these live lizards or iguanas that were tied up by mouth and legs. They sell them alive to take home to cook and eat. one of the translators said that some people buy them as pets because they eat the cockroaches.

Dyre the translator was our guide through the market and she told us about her life. She learned English from her grandmother who was from England. She went to school for medicine for three years and dropped out because she became pregnant...after 2 more kids she has decided she would like to go back and is planning to next year.

Later on we went swimming with the kids from the orphanage on the El ayudante grounds. One little boy kept trying to tell me something I couldnt understand in spanish...he went and got a kid on the trip who could speak spanish to "tell this gringo i want her to throw me and catch me in the water" i laughed so hard. THey were loving the attention we were giving them and all the kids were so precious. When we got back to the grounds we played volleyball again then met the kids in the village next door to play in the fields. They would run up to you and hug you which at first thought seems cute but i know that this is a sign of child abuse and neglect. its deattachment. but we had fun with them and gave them some love...we would run and chase each other. You completely forget that these kids have scabies and just touch them and hug them regardless.

I wish i learned spanish before coming on this trip. I am doing my best trying to learn it and feel a litle overwhelmed. The spanish lesson was hard for me. I love learning new languages but I do not possess a talent for it...it doenst come very easy for me. In fact after 3 years of french which i absolutely loved, Madame Butois told me not to continue with classes because my grammar was that terrible.!I do actually keep throwing some french words in my spanish senteces...avec being one that keeps popping in there...and es tois instead of tu.

We talked about the set up for clinic tomorrow and had group presentations on different diseases that are prevelent here. I had malaria...thank God i took that cloroquine before coming...it seems like a terrible disease. My assignment for the first clinic day is in the pharmacy with Valerie and Brent. I am happy I am there because it would be a calm first day ...and thats good for my stress seing as i am nervous to start. I volunteered to go to the OB clinic one day to do pap smears. Basically we are all going to be acting as full fledged doctors, diagnosing and writing prescriptions... the attendings all just sign off on them

During our lesson on how to present and do H&P's and assessments I felt food about the skills I have adn what I know how to do from nursing. Many of the med students arent in clincal settings yet and dont know how to do something as simple as blood pressure. laura, the PA student taught me how to use an otoscope and look at the optic disc in the eye. Ithink i saw it but im not entirely sure. We all make up for each others weaknessess ...together we are one strong force!

"a nurse and a doctor relationship is like a pitcher and a shortstop, a pitch can be perfect but a shortstop can screw it all up" - Dr. Medina on nurse and doctor relationships and the importance of communication

I am looking forward to tomorrow!

8/10

italics are things from the journal, regular are after thoughts im having now!

I am here in nicaragua! Which i never thought would happen. Getting here was a challenege , chocking back sobs of homesickness, feeling like a total baby! But all of that vanished at first sight of Managua. Children, babies even, walking down the streets with barely any clothing. Open houses or tin wall rather with no ceiling or enclosement, people peeing on the sides of the street, random chickens, cows, dogs running rampid.

(a pic of our bus we took everywhere to clinics)

(a nicer nicaraguenese home)

its definitely a different world down here. Im beginning to feel one of the group. It became easier after I lightened up a bit. Last night Tim and Bill talked about El Ayudante (they basically run it) and its history and how the facility has grown. It was a God awakening their hearts to run this place. Bill is from Tennessee and moved his entire family down here a year ago. His 2 girls are in school in Leon . I give him so much credit for making that move...they sold all there land in TN ...they officially are residents on Nicaragua.

I am amazed by his dedication although he seems a little bit more of faith then the rest of us. I dont have problems with overtly religious people, in fact i envy them in some cases but sometimes i feel hesitation with people who are so vocal about it as though they are not only trying to convince me but also themselves. While Bill is doing a great thing for the Nicaragua people, i hope he isnt trying to convert everyone to a more devout way of living. He says that the way these people are treated is not in God's heart. Which i agree with...but the core of me is against the whole "heres a bottle of water but first you have to believe this Bible" . Most of the people in Nicaragua are catholic as well....they have faith. So converting isnt really necessary. I just want to provide people with there most basic needs...faith comes later. I would rather portray an image than proclaim it.

After his talk we played volleyball and then unpacked and reorganized all of the meds we brought for the clinic. We ate dinner which was some sort of chicken casserol...it could have also been tuna i am not sure ! The fruit here so fresh and delicious. The pinneapple is white but the sweetest i have ever had. we will be touring the hospital later and also getting a spanish lesson which i desperately need help with! Im just happy to be here and am asking God to work through me and take care of me as he always does!"

bienvenidos

Im home. Which isnt where i want to be. Granted i feel so grateful to have hot showers, a clean floor, 4 walls, a ceiling NOT made of tin, and a bug free bed. But nicaragua was the most rewarding experience of my life. I kept a journal while there and i will blog what i wrote for each day.



i feel so whole . like a piece of soul has been awakened. I feel purpose in life. You can prepare yourself for the things you know you will be seeing, but seeing them through your eyes right in front of you is different.

There isnt a single portion of me that doenst believe medicine is the right field for me. I know that i was born to do this now. With school starting on monday i am ready to face my boards at the end of the year, to soak up every minute piece of knowledge i can get my hands on, and be the best nurse I can be so that i can use my knowledge and life to serve . I am so happy and so full of life after that experience. I honestly cant even stop smilling.

Leaving!

The plane to nicaragua takes of tomorrow morning at 6 am. and I will be on that plane!.
this week has been full of so many challenges...a migraine on monday, colonoscopy on wed, and ER visit on thursday due to some complications. i cant even believe it! I was crying in the ER so afraid something more serious was going on and that i wouldnt be able to go on the trip.....but everything came back fine...so i got my prescription of pain meds and i was sent home to rest.
Now i just have finish packing. yuck.

I cannot believe how this has sneaked up on me! Summer just flew by! I feel so strange about leaving. im so content and excited and at peace but some anxiousness is mixed in there.

It seems i always worry about things and then they unfold so easily and fall into place that it was always silly to worry. You would think i would learn something from that? nah.

So off to nicaragua I am to do 5 days of free clinics and 2 days of touristy things! and then i will be back....i cant even imagine what this experience will do to me, how it will change me as a person and the appreciation i will receive for my life. (which I cant even imagine being more grateful for)....

I will update with my stories when i can....probably when i get back! and lots of photos will be taken!

so off i go to pack !!!!

settling anxiety

Last night was the benefit at Trotters in Toledo. My mom, nana, best friend greer, dad and stepmom went to support me. I have to admit i was extremely nervous to go. I dont know any of the people that are going on the trip...the nursing class i am in was divided into 2 and the other nursing students that are going are all from the same class and I am the only one from the other class. I felt that i was the odd man out because they all knew each other and med students already all knew each other....so i was concerned because i am socially inept and have trouble being outgoing with people my age. generally when people first meet me they think i dont like them because it takes me a while to talk and be friendly...i have to assess the situation before i get involved it in. I dont have this problem with old people. it seems just me peers. I dont really know why it causes me to have social anxiety...i just would rather be my own world.

so we get the the bar and i just an nervous about talking to people and saying hello. I am embarressed to admit that it took me 2 beers to build the courage but i did it...i talked with some people...which felt a bit awkward at first but after i got over the first minute it got better and easier....i sat with one girl from my nursing program and collected donations at the door. And it seems the first thing she said to me was " i dont know anyone here" i immeditely felt a calm come over me...i am not alone! so we talked and she was really nice and it just feels so much better to know that i am not the only person who feels so out of the loop. Plus, i havent been able to go to the packing meetings (where you sit around and count meds...i guess the regulations only allow us to bring an exact amount of certain medications over to nicaragua.....) so i felt like those were bonding opporunities that i was missing.....and i was afraid i was the only person not going. But this girl told me hardly anyone went , and she did and she still feels like she doesnt know anyone.

So i feel so much better about that...and everyone seemed really nice ill just have to take time and unveil myself one petal at a time and i know after the week is up it will be amazing i ever felt this way.

Greer reminded me that it is silly to be so caught up in wanted to know and be friends with these people. because thats not the reason why i am going. I am going to see a different culture, to help them with medical needs, to learn about myself and about the rest of the world. I think that feeling alone and on my two feet without someone holding my hand will be a good experience for me. I have never done anything on my own...this will be a first. I can only amagine what things will unveil to me about myself, and i am eager to see.

Typhoid

Typhoid medication completely rotts out your stomach...i feel nausiated and sick .....if i didnt know better id think it was morning sickness but that is impossible because my sex life agenda is about as vacant as antartica .
overshare.
oh the price we pay for health.
ill probably contract something no matter what i do...this is my fate.
my best friend went to india and came home with dysentery...i wonder if dysentery is in nicaragua...because if it is...i bet ill get it! and then this medication and preparation will have been in vain.

you plan, god laughs ...or so they say...