http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yvfso4Q8xg


i had a panic attack last night thinking about this Hesi and course and if I dont pass it. WHat would happen to me? I already feel like i am in such a rut, left behind my everyone. People are moving away, north carolina, florida, california, michigan...getting jobs in ICU and Pediatrics, getting new cars, new apartments and real furniture...and im at home, getting up every day to log onto my class, spend an entire day doing so, then logging off and going to bed,...... If this doesnt work and i cant move on, what will I do. What if no jobs open or are left, what if i dont ever get to be a nurse? I have no idea what im supposed to do with my life in either aspect. If i do pass, the best option is to move to kentucky since i have a sure bet at a job there ...unlike anywhere else. I still want to live in cinci and work at cinci childrens but maybe my plans arent Gods.
ive been praying obsessively to make His plan known to me, how to use me in whatever way he can, and im terrified that means Im not supposed to be a nurse after all this time and effort....but i dont know.....
i want to go back to nicaragua i think about it all the time. Im so jealous Laura is going back. I wish it was financially possible.... Its rediculous that i have to have money to help others...how can i do this when im in a rut?
i just dont know what is expected of me. what am i supposed to be doing ??? why am i failing when ive never failed? why am i struggling with something im passionate about?
the economy sucks but ive always had faith that if this is what im supposed to be doing like i believe then i will land a job because it is His will...but its not happening and maybe i shouldnt be getting restless and second guessing because thats what faith is about andmaybe mine is just being teseted. but i really wish a white dove would fly down with a message to me from the Lord giving me step my step instructions on what my future holds....
i imagine it would be like this
step one : apply here (name hospital)
step two : Wear this to your interview (pic of outfit)
step three : say these things
step four : land job
step 5 : move here : apartment or house address

why cant life be that easy?