i had a dream last night that I was leaving to go to Puerto Rico to do medical missions and save the children but as i was on my way to the airport, I realized i forgot my passport, shoes, and socks. I woke up shortly after so I dont know really what became of it.
I think this is a sign that my mind has been jumbled lately....not exactly in one place and one time but scattered all over.
I have come to realize that the level of my emotional status and capabilities can be judged by the state of my room. If it is messy, so are my emotions. If it is clean, im stable. If it so bad it looks like a tornado hit, BEWARE.
This is the current state. Piles of clothes have accumulated so much that i cant remember which ones were clean and which ones were dirty. I found 7 socks at the end of my bed today, dont know why its uneven. and my bed is actively deflating, i found a hole in it last night and placed a bandaide over it in a drowsy stupor. the bandaide seems to be holding up just fine, at least the air is leaving as a slower pace.
I think things will be getting better here within a few days. Its not like i can really justify these feelings on one happening. its just my pms, time in the moon cycle, stupidity of certain people, and the letting go of something serious that happened.
im going home tomorrow night , which i am excited about. but i am getting a cat scan on wednesday. Im not concerned about it , but the barium i have to drink reminds me of that nasty taste of fleet phosphosoda mixed with lemon gatoraide which is activating my gag reflex as i write.
I am reading the book sense & senseability and i am identifying the characters so much I feel like jane austin has invaded my very core.
I am also reading the 50 greatest love letters ever written, which is torture. ad much as we all wish we would recieve these love letter, the epilogue behind the romances all involve some sort of affair and tragedy beyond comprehension. I hope this doesnt become my life.