I had my mental health clinical today which i confess i was not looking forward too. It ended up being a really rewarding experience. I had a patient who was dealing with some issues that are occuring because of a recent loss of a love one. I really enjoyed talking with him, and hearing a bout his problems that are so much more important than my silly ones I have. Many of the patients on the psych floor are battling some form of substance abuse. Im starting to get pulled in this direction. I am so intrigues by this disease and find such empathy for people who suffer it. Maybe this is because of my family who is plagued by alcoholism and drug abuse, or maybe its because my mother worked at a treatment facility where i spent much of my free time after school hanging out with recovering addicts who are now like family members to me....but I am so passionate about this. I really didnt expect to like mental health and honestly I dont really like having patients with the regular associated mental illnesses, but the fact that most of them are suffering from drug or alcohol addicts sucks me in. Now my list of what i want to do with my life just added another one on it.
ideas for post grad:
1) surgical nurse residency at Vanderbilt Medical Center
2) Nurse at treatment or recovery program (wherever those may be! )
3) going back to school to get my MD or MSN
4) TRAVELING Nursing (which can only be done after a few years old experience)
I have exactly 8 months to figure this out.....thats less that it takes to have a baby....
I have an exam tomorrow which Im prepared for. Living in Toledo has taken me away from the many distractions i had in bowling green and i find myself studying like crazy. Maybe this will be good when the Nclex and hesi roll around.
im starting to stress out about next semester. I have until next friday to decide if i want to apply for a preceptorship. They only offer them in a few areas of nursing and they only have 50 spots total...the only 2 im interested in are critical care or surgical which everyone in my class is interested in and those both take only 10 students each.....so thats 20 spots out of 170 students. and generally it comes down to GPA which mine isnt the hottest...its not bad but its definitely not up there with the smarty pants. While a preceptorship would be an awesome opportunity I worry about the stress.. basically id be taking on job in doing this, and id have paper work and class work to do that i wouldnt have if i didnt take it. you have to get a mandatory number of hours and can only work when your preceptor can so your limited because of the other classes you have to take. Not to mention studying for the Hesi and Nclex ...the hesi being the one i need to graduate and only get 2 attempts to take (mind you last years class mostly failed it the first time and many did the second time and had a delayed graduation). So is it worth it? I mean granted im freaking out that i havent started an IV and my roommate and one of my friends did because they took externships this summer....i know they look at me like im not really experienced but i mean even if i could go back and do an externship i wouldnt...i had an amazing summer at the nursing home and going to nicaragua! so this would give me those experiences i missed but i feel like if i did the residency program i would get those experiences anyway so i dont know. i mean they dont really expect new grads to know it all....honestly. i just havent decided if i want to put myself in such a stressful situation...or is this me just being afraid of a new experience like always? i keep praying about it and i think the answer is to just apply and if i get it means im supposed to do it and if i dont then it means im not...but does fate always work that way???
anyways, i lit a candle last night to st. michael. not because i needed the protection...but because i missed home. that is the kind of thing that would be going on at home and i needed that little reminder here. I recently read a book called "White Oleander" im sure many have seen that movie, and honestly it is a beautifully tragic dark story about a mother and daughter. Im so grateful its not my story and i honestly cant imagine it being my story. Although parts of the mother in that book do remind me of my own. her beauty and ability to captivate anyone with her power (gift as we call it) and her poetic nature....but id say the similarity ends there.
"I rested my head on her leg. She smelled like violets. "We are the wands, " she said. "We strive for beauty and balance, the sensual over the sentimental." "The Wands." I repeated. I wanted her to know I was listening. Our tarot suit, the wands. She used to lay the cards for me, explain the suits: wands and coins, cups and swords......"
My mother doesnt smell like violets, she smells like apple cinnamon and nutmeg....but she would say something like this to me......Are we the wands mother?
1 comment:
No Molly , We are cups and proud of it !! Love the cups and admire the wands.
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