extremely happy

here i sit on the floor STILL no desk, updating the journal i never seem to keep anymore. life isnt as fascinating post nicaragua ......it just seems to roll along . i am incredibly happy though, still maintaining my new-found contentment with life.
last weekend i went home and had the opportunity to see my mother speak and share her story at a meeting. I was in awe and amazement at her and her ease as the words came to her. I envy this. I have to think things out before i speak, im unable to articulate my feelings on the spot, and can only make them complete with words after thought and consideration. My mother just stands before a crowd, opens her mouth , and the poet within shows. I am so proud of her, and the challenges she has overcome and the for the challenges she still struggles with but will overcome. after she was doen we had the opportunity to speak and say something to her but me being bashful to strangers and unable to articulate myself in an as meaningful way as i would life opted not too
afterwards i figured what i would have liked to of said was something like this : Mom, I am so proud of you for all of this and in effect i am glad that these challenges were ones that you had because they have made you who you are, a wonderful person who has shown me true strength and through those challenges has introduced me to such wonderful people you have met as a support system and has shown me a different way of thinking that isnt so close minded but open minded...i am so glad you are who you are, and i wouldnt trade that for anything... i love you indescribably.
:)
I finished reading the book "the kite runner" which was a bit hard on me to read. Although, i would definitely recommend this to everyone! Its such an emotional heartfelt story that was wonderfully written. I dare say it is a classic of our time!
Im starting to worry about postgrad life and wonder where im supposed to be going after this is all over in may. I dont even know what to think. Im starting to think a lot about nashville, being that is where i almost went for undergrad....Vanderbilt has nursing residency programs and one in surgical nursing which is my area of interest. I would be part of the program if picked for one year and t hen have one year working committment with them. The only thing is my doubt for surgery....many people, 3 actually, have told me that i dont belong in surgery because i am so good with relationships with patients and in surgery you dont have the chance to talk to the patients and communicate with them which would be a waste of "my skill", this makes me so sad to hear because i love internal bodies and organs systems and the miracle of life that is one b eat of heart that you can hold in your hand . I just have to wade the waters and see waht happens. i know if its where im supposed to be it will be where i end up. Im going to look more into that program and pray more and i believe things will fall into place.
i miss nicaragua so much, i wish there was a way i could do that for my whole life...just work for free, travelling to impoverished countries and cities in america and handing out free healthcare....im starting to worry im losing the glow that i had when i came back and the happiness and contentment i felt...im actively searching to revive it...and i find it with my nicaragua friends just being wiht them kind of keeps it alive.
jose is quickly becoming one of my favorite people, i see him a lot at the library and i have such a nice time talking to him. He jokes that i will be engaged soon, which is so unlikely being that i dont even have an inkling of a boy in my life....oh jose, such a kidder. But its so nice to see him, and the other people on campus ....
having more friends in the medical field is so nice...its just a common bond and understanding that life can be trying but were doing this selflessly...i know many are in it for the money but these are the ones who are in it to make a difference. I would still be a nurse if i only ended up making 20, 000 as opposed to the probable 50,000.....
i need to keep the spirit alive... i desperately dont want to go back to the dark cloud i was under before the trip......eeek