reading this book. and realizing more than ever the guilt i feel over missing out on the mommyhood gene that makes a woman want to stay home and raise her babies and not work. the very thought kills my soul. Most girls i know ultimately want to obtain that stay at home mom dream. in fact my own mother dabbled with it when she was able. but the didnt pass that on to me! this weekend (a weekend that should be filled with sleeping in and rest) has left me more than every frazzled. just read the to do list on the movie poster and it is blatantly aware of my feelings. friday night, natalie, Masons cousin spent the night and didnt go to bed until near 11. what time did they wake up but 530 am, on a saturday. mark wasnt home. i was all alone at 530 in the morning with 2 three year old and a puppy. that pees and poops everywhere. my house was a mess, i needed to shower, my bedding was wet with dog pee. and all i could wish for in that one moment was that it was actually monday and that i could escape to work. how sick is that? i would rather go to WORK in fact work a DOUBLE SHIFT than be home with children cooking and cleaning. i can see my grandma josephine rolling over in the grace. heaven forbid. i feel genetically imperfected. and this book gives me glimpse of the judgment i will receive when i have my own children and forgo the homemade cookies to the dollhouse roll you slice and bake...hell to even the kroger already made cookies which i will dutifully assemble on a crystale plate and pretend i mastered in the kitchen. my poor children will not have me on their pta because id rather be going to conferences out of town on the headway made with lice (no pun intended).
and now i am going to beg my 3 year old to go to sleep at 930 for a nap because he woke up at 630 this am. im tired. im worn out and for petes sake its SUNDAY . i have never looked this forward to a monday!

am i a bad person?